Voila! Let’s start with a caveat. This is written in English, by a Canadian, born in England, so I use British spelling. That means an extra “u” in a dollop of words. Since this book is about “you” I use “u” to honour my readers, my neighbours and my flavours, ad nauseum. And to drive spell-check nuts. Red is such a nice colour.

SELF-HELP

If that term makes you cringe or grab the first motivational guru’s book you can find (try the library; it’s cheaper), you’re not alone. Not one of us who was gifted with life makes it through to the other end without moments (hours or years) of distress about life-stuff like:

• money (and more money, which solves, mostly, nothing)
• careers, or even just jobs, or maybe even the dole
• family, to have or not to have, and then what
• finding meaning in life (ours, specifically)
• finding love and self-worth (which might just be mutually exclusive)
• bringing serenity to inner (and, these days, in this nutty/evil world) and external chaos
• massive social injustice all around us
• whether pineapple belongs on pizza or not, and other culinary blasphemies

Money, relationships and careers are the essential three life-stuff items that psychics have in their bag of what they know you want to know. You know?

Even if “self-help” doesn’t throw you into a terrible case of self-examination or spending thousands on attending seminars, we all need a little help now and then. You arrived at birth without a manual; now what? For many of us, daily life is fairly even, pretty normal, often a tad dull (no, please don’t write your memoirs…), but every so often, like when we make New Year’s resolutions or hit a landmark birthday, we tend to take stock of where we are at in our lives at that moment. If we’re okay with it, then we are spared the expense and agony (never mind embarrassment) of people who will tell you how to run your life (their way, right or wrong; no tailor-made options available). If we’re even slightly dissatisfied or maybe just got sacked from our job, then we’re vulnerable. Perfect pickings for those who would take the term “self-help” and rob you blind to prove you can come up with five grand even if you did just get fired.

This website and blog have been assembled by yours truly, Cat Delaney. Its practical (yes, satirical) title is partly to laugh at ourselves as we make our way through this morass called life, and partly to adhere a smidgen of sense to what “success” truly is, generally, and to each of us. I have self-helped and motivated myself into bankruptcy. Seriously. Crucial to that is that I learned from it and did not (once I “got it”) repeat those costly mistakes. And learned to trust myself.

Because this path isn’t easy (not even for the 1%, or even the late Queen Elizabeth; proof lies in her self-declared her annus horribilis), and because there are too few qualified psychiatrists to go around (I mean, who do they run to when they’re having an emotional crisis???), we find ourselves trying to work it out on our own. Commendable? “A” for effort. Insane? Maybe; maybe not.

Self-help books have been around for decades, and if they serve to get us back on track when the rails are warped, excellent. Motivational guru books pretty much started with one guy who saw nothing but dollar signs (milk the downtrodden and succeed!) in the struggles of other, non-predatory, beings.

What is key to this website and blog is avoiding the cash-influenced ones — most of those falling into the unique category of “motivational gurus” — who want your money, outside of the nominal cost of a paperback book. The book, “Success Sucks! How to Flambée Motivational Gurus and Cook Your Life Your Way.”, included in full (for free!) on this website,
covers the typical motivational gurus that have brought us to the recipe of thinking we have to be perfect and in order to do that, lining their HUGE pockets for “secret” tips. The blogs stay on top of current “advisors” and motivational gurus, adding snippets of true wisdom, genuinely sage advice, for those days, weeks or years when you can’t see the forest for the trees, and your get up and go got up and left. That’s the end of the clichés; you’re welcome.

The website contains:

• THE BOOK. The full text of my full-length, non-fiction book “Success Sucks! How to Flambée Motivational Gurus and Cook Your Life Your Way.” Told with a cooking theme, it’s at once witty and wise. And it’s free. Yes, indeed. No charge. Learn from my mistakes, but don’t laugh at me, just with me (okay one last cliché; sorry).

• DAILY WIT & WISDOM. A collection of blogs about ingredients like degrees of happiness and the more attainable contentment; failure fallout (what happens when you take a significant risk and it bombs, and what you can do to prevent and resolve such a situation); do what you love and see what happens, with apologies to Joseph Campbell, who told us to follow our bliss; the three deadly motivations: jealousy, entitlement and psychopathy (count on there being more than three; proof is in the pudding); recipes for getting closer to being who you want to be, whatever that may be to you; and Motivational Gurus, the Next Generation. Anthony Robbins is going to die (gasp!) one day (do they make coffins that long?), so we are going to review the new crop of expensive talkers who hope to milk you after he’s gone.

• INSPIRATION NOW. The current crop of books that you can borrow from the library, ones that are not all goals and extreme capitalism. These might be as smart and savvy as Neil deGrasse Tyson’s “Astrophysics for People in a Hurry” or as deep and thought-provoking as Oliver Burkeman’s “Four Thousand Weeks”. I read these and let you know if they’re worth a gander, or a complete pass. Yes, there’s the odd excellent cookbook included, too.

• THE “TAPHS”. Q: Do you know what a “taphophile” is? A: yours truly. We are lover of exploring cemeteries, for their history, beauty and quietude. Graveyards are groovy, and the epitaphs, inscriptions on tombstones, can be deadpan (pun intended), or, if pre-written by the decreased (one of my favourite typos ever!) insightful and funny. I’ll include pictures when I can find them.

My hope (make that “intention”) with this website and blog is to help you spare yourself expense and misery when you’re already down, and to paint a picture of gentle reality where you can move in a forward thrust with serenity and fairness, knowing that life (and you) undulates and evolves, and sometimes just sucks the frigging joint out. And so, dear reader, let’s walk this blog together, keep a sense of humour about it and ourselves, and find our own personal and very private version of success.

Some people are optimists (often extroverts at the same time); others are pessimists and happily bum out everybody all the time. Others, like me, have lived long enough and actually paid attention to what has gone on (good, bad, right, wrong) within and around us, to be realists. Is my glass half empty? Half full? Who cares; if I’m thirsty, it’s just enough.

Welcome aboard! This is not your captain speaking. YOU are your captain. Yes, you, oh chef of your life. Grab that spatula and let’s get at it!

Please note that my book, “Success Sucks! How to Flambée Motivational Gurus and Cook Your Life Your Way” is protected under copyright 2023, and cannot be reproduced in any form without my express written approval, ditto the contents of this website, unless I am quoting another person, whom I always credit.